“Life is to be lived, not controlled” – Ralph Ellison
As someone that loves control and routines letting go of it is something that is extremely difficult to do. When I feel like I am not in control I try to regain it in every way possible. I try to regain it through holding my breath, through clenching my jaw, through picking at my nail polish. I do this so I can feel like if I cannot be in control of anything around me at least I can be in control of one thing no matter how small that thing is.
You’d be surprised how often I feel out of control and the level of control I like to have over my life to be comfortable. Letting go of control is a scary thing, it means trusting which is also something I struggle with.
I truly believe that one of the best ways to combat losing control is not by trying to gain it by doing something you can control. Instead, it is sitting in it. Feeling the comfortability and tension that can arise through not having control.
When you lose control you gain perspective.
I am far from perfect, I still love the feeling of being in control. I catch myself on a daily basis trying to gain more of it in any way I can. I know letting go of it will be beneficial but it is a skill like any other skill that takes time.
So try, let go of control, I am trying it with you. If you fail, try again.